At the moment, I am still in doubt if I will have the courage to publish this in the future. ^_^ But anyway, I still want to write. I just want to have an outlet to where I can say whatever I want. To write whatever I wanted, adequately. Comfortably.
Every human being has a story to tell, everyone has a childhood memories and experiences to look back.. or to forget. As for me, I don't have that much to tell. Because, I can't remember everything (I don't know why but there are some things in the past that i cant barely remember)--but if i were to tell which ones i can still recall, for sure those are either the not-so-good-scenarios or those times that I wish I couldn't remember. 𝩀😅
I dont have the most beautiful childhood experience. It wasn't easy. It was not the colorful, blissful, fun childhood thingy expectations. I grew up most likely 'alone'. I still remember i felt like being unloved. Unworthy. I always cry to God. Wishing that one day, I will not be in the same place and/or, in the same situation.
In my younger years, I didn't have the confidence and self-esteem. I had an inferiority complex. I was being bullied. I didn't have the braveness to fight back. I was coward, for I know that I didn't have someone who will defend or protect me. I always have the fear of being left alone. I was timid. I was afraid being myself. I was worried they wouldn't like me. I felt worthless. I had too many questions. I was longing for attention. For a hug. For a love.
I was longing for that 'feeling' of being surrounded by a happy family, that I thought I could find somewhere else. But I was encircled by faultfinding people. I felt so alone that I found myself likely a good-for-naught. Again.
However, despite these antagonistic emotions and destructive surroundings, I tried my best not to be that person they kept on injecting me. I knew deep in my heart, I was different. That have a different destination and future.
With all of these agitation, God found me in the midst of obscurity. I Thank God I have survived. I overcame. And I knew that through God's help, I was able to repressed. Through God's love for me, I was able to live. When I accepted Jesus as my Savior and through baptism in His Name, I have received the gift of the Holy Spirit.
They say, that our childhood shapes our adulthood. Adults, with all of their behavior and personality traits, are just extensions of the childhood experiences they have been through long time ago. I actually do not know how my childhood affected my life as an adult, but for sure I will not be the person I am today without my childhood experiences yesterday.
In my younger years, I didn't have the confidence and self-esteem. I had an inferiority complex. I was being bullied. I didn't have the braveness to fight back. I was coward, for I know that I didn't have someone who will defend or protect me. I always have the fear of being left alone. I was timid. I was afraid being myself. I was worried they wouldn't like me. I felt worthless. I had too many questions. I was longing for attention. For a hug. For a love.
I was longing for that 'feeling' of being surrounded by a happy family, that I thought I could find somewhere else. But I was encircled by faultfinding people. I felt so alone that I found myself likely a good-for-naught. Again.
However, despite these antagonistic emotions and destructive surroundings, I tried my best not to be that person they kept on injecting me. I knew deep in my heart, I was different. That have a different destination and future.
With all of these agitation, God found me in the midst of obscurity. I Thank God I have survived. I overcame. And I knew that through God's help, I was able to repressed. Through God's love for me, I was able to live. When I accepted Jesus as my Savior and through baptism in His Name, I have received the gift of the Holy Spirit.
They say, that our childhood shapes our adulthood. Adults, with all of their behavior and personality traits, are just extensions of the childhood experiences they have been through long time ago. I actually do not know how my childhood affected my life as an adult, but for sure I will not be the person I am today without my childhood experiences yesterday.
I just praise the Lord for saving me, and for directing my path.
~Xiao
